In our daily lives, few things can really scare us anymore. Sure, when we were young but eventually we outgrew those fears and realised there is no such thing as a Vampire or Werewolf, and as we grew older the fear of other stuff like: big dogs, clowns and grandmother, who always wanted to kiss us on the mouth, all faded away. The reason we don’t have to move around in primal fear, like most other animals in the wild, is because we rarely come face to face with any creature that can bite us in half and go on with its daily routine, unless of course you live in a backcountry area of Australia where every day is an epic struggle for survival.
Most creatures today are too small to cause a serious threat, and the ones that can kill us are locked away in dark corners of the world, where hardly any humans bothers to live. However there was a time when nature was still trying to decide which of its creation was worthy of being the dominant life form in its ecosystem, and it came up with some seriously bizarre and downright horrifying designs during this trial-and-error phase. We are talking way back, a time when the human species wasn’t around or were still trying to prepare meat without setting their back hair on fire. In this ancient world, nature seemed to have a particularly hard time with setting a sense of scale for its creations, and basically anything alive during that time was huge and fitted with claws that could knock your flippin’ head off in a single blow.
Thank Our Luck!
Fortunately for us we dodged an evolutionary bullet when nature rectified its mistake by pressing the reset button – or by downsizing these monstrous creatures. If that never have happened, mankind would have undoubtedly declared war on every single one of the extinct creatures on this list, and we’d probably be checking our email from a home that resembles a zombie apocalypse bunker, while praying our scent doesn’t get picked up by extinct creatures such as:
Argentavis Magnificens, The Gigantic Bird
This gigantic bird of prey is the largest bird to ever terrorize the skies. It had a wingspan of about the same size of a Learjet and could, no doubt, snatch a grown person from the ground and shallow it whole in a single swoop. Even though I would give up a liver to see one of these magnificent bastards, I think we can all thank god almighty for hitting the reset button on this one. Enjoying the sun in your backyard, outdoor sports, riding a bike, forget about all that shit, it just wouldn’t be worth it if we’d have these monsters patrolling the sky.
On the other hand, maybe we would have been able to domesticate them, and we would all be flying these things to work.
Titanoboa, The Snake That Would Beat King Kong
Anaconda’s are already freaking huge, with the largest on record stretching a jaw-dropping 27-feet. However, nature’s early sketch of this animal, named the “Titanoboa cerrejonensis”, was on a whole different level of terror. This creature, which seem to have been lifted from a direct-to-video movie from the 70’s, lived around 60 million years ago. It grew to around 50 feet, weighed 2,500 pounds, and could probably crush you to death just by looking at you!
Nature didn’t give it the ability to fly, but other than that this has to be the most bad-ass creature to ever existed. In fact, it actually survived the extinction event that wiped out all the dinosaurs, probably by curling up like a ball while cackling madly at nature itself.
Supercroc, The Name Says It All…
Here we have another extinct creature that seems to have stepped right of the set of a Godzilla movie. Yes, it’s actually called Supercroc, which sounds like a name a 6 year-old would have come up with. But in all fairness, there isn’t another name that would do this seemingly invincible monster justice. Supercrocs are pretty much the same armored, pant-shittingly scary things we see today, but with a horrifying twist. With today’s crocodiles, you basically have a period of fast growth, followed by a little bit of growth – but this guy wasn’t slowing down, at all! It just kept growing through it’s entire lifetime and are believed to reach the size of a bus and weighing almost 9,000 kg. In comparison, the largest saltwater crocodile on record weighed 1,200 kg and so does yo momma!
Just imagine the traffic jams this beast would have caused if it was still alive today…